When we understand that there is nothing to look for, nor to find,
then we discover that there is only the present moment.
This way we enter the space of stillness and from there we change us and the world.
Using the term "awakening" sounds a little strange to me, like something very special for very special people, and it took me a time to get use to it, but there is an awakening. As long as we identify ourselves with the ego, we are asleep, we are in a dream (a lot times even in a nightmare), always looking for something new, more or better and we are never really at peace; at this stage of evolution fulfillment is only an abstract idea in our heads.
I really can`t say when I woke up from the dream as a separate human-being; it was a process. Now it looks to me as if all I`ve done in my life, everything that happened to me was a kind of preparation, a Life-Learning-Process. Awakening is not goal that we achieve, nor is it a specially kind of life style or ideal, it is a state of consciousness, where words can´t reach. Its like "being in love with someone" with the difference that there is no-one to love; we are "in love with life itself"; in love with the present moment; not a kind of sentimental love, but a deep and profound love that goes beyond all appearance. Awakening is also not a big thing at all, we just realize that we are alive and that life is a miracle. It is the easiest thing and at the same time the most difficult. Since that moment that my life is not any longer base on the ego-centric-vision of the world, I have a profound desire/need to share the knowledge of being conscious, that I`m actually dedicate my life to it.
I was born in Hamburg (Germany) in the year 1963 and since an early age I felt a strange feeling of missing of something, a kind of emptiness, a longing for……My father was a painter and art carpenter who introduce me to the world of art. My oldest memory is a picture that I painted when I was five years, since then art, specially painting, is an essential part of my life. In the process of creating a picture or any real art-work, the world dissolve itself in the process; there is no time, no wanting, no desire, no good, no bad, no ego, there is only the process itself, the state of oneness. Art shows that there is more then the world we sense.
I grew up in very violent and destructive environment which droves me to be a very selfish person. At twenty I only saw myself, living for my own pleasure, using people without any compassion, making fast money and taking all kind of drugs. My life was full of anger, distrust and (auto)-destruction.
Then something very painful and beautiful happen what change my life. It was on a journey to Asia, in Jogjakarta (Indonesia), when I realized that my life was empty, that I had nothing to give to world. All the pain and suffering, that I had hidden for so long came out and I entered into a deep depression which last for more then ten years. It was one of the best things that ever happened to me, it pushed me forward to search for real peace and fulfillment.
I started to do Psychotherapy, Bioenergetic Analysis and Family Constellations to solve the "problem" and it helped and taught me a lot about why I suffer, but apart from all the progress and relief that this kind of therapies bring, this essential feeling of missing something, of emptiness, remained.
The depression started to vanish with the understanding that suffering is not a personal thing, but a collective and learnt human-condition. But the emptiness still was very present and the need to find the meaning of life increased. I realized that most of the occidental ways to deal with the suffering are concentrate around the ego (the person) and that`s fine when we look for relief, but useless when we try to find real peace and fulfillment. Thus it was logical that my attention turned east, I start to study Hinduism, Buddhism, Zen and Sufism, later on also Christian Mysticism and Shamanic traditions, I also started to practice Yoga and meditation became an essential part of my life. Over the years my engagement with the spiritual path deepens, I became Coach, Therapist, Meditation-teacher and Author.
My awakening was not some short of special experience, from one moment to another; it was a slow (with a lot of ups and downs) process and through the constantly study and meditation I shift away from the identification with the ego. Now the centre of my life is the Wisdom that arise from the Self-Knowledge, peace and fulfillment are my reality, not as a thought, but as an experience. This is not a special thing, I do what everybody does; go to work, be with my friends, walk the dog, pay taxes and so on; but my inner state of consciousness do not any longer depends on what I am doing, but on what I am. The Sufis have a saying that describes this state of consciousness: To be in the world, but not from the world.
I do believe that to become a fully awakened person, we have to understand that without Self-Knowledge, we will never find what we are looking for. We have to understand the ego for what it is and go beyond his wishful thinking. What I offer is some very basic knowledge and how to use it, nothing more.
Actually, I am living with my wife Maribel, in beautiful south of Spain (Andalusia).
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